Face-melting music and financial woes

Varese on Saturday night was fun. Of course the pieces were interesting, but after a while it tired me out. Seena and I ran into four of her old friends/colleagues, who happened to be sitting right in front of us; we planned to go for a drink after the concert. Not having eaten a filling dinner beforehand, Seena and I grew tired of the atonality, screeching piccolos, and the frighteningly thunderous crescendos, so we decided to run out before the last two pieces, in search of something to devour. We ended up down the street at Tom's Diner of Seinfeld fame, where we began our new resolutions to stop eating meat. Afterwards we met Seena's friends at a dive bar nearby, where we had stimulating conversation with Seena's witty friends. How bizarre it was to run into them at a Varese concert; it's not like they were all music majors in college, or super socially unskilled nerds. Who knew that Varese could be such a fun social catalyst? We are thinking of joining them again to hear what the concert MC termed "face-melting organ music," like the works of Ligeti and all them crazy composers. Apparently there will be yard sticks on all the keyboards; face-melting, indeed.

I also ended up going to two different yoga classes this weekend. What a dilemma! I'm so stubborn and rigid, but the yoga studio where I studied in Columbus was great and I loved my teachers, so it's been hard finding a place here that does the same thing. Now I've decided that I need to be flexible and learn a new way of doing yoga. The problem is deciding which school to go to; the key is finding a teacher I like. I think I've found one I like, but the class may be a little too advanced for me, because intermediate level there is different from intermediate level at my old studio. They have different sun salutations and more rigorous sequencing of poses, less focus on holding poses, and a lot of people are already doing handstands and headstands. My plan now is to go to the transitional class for a while until I feel comfortable with this new style and get some preparation for the scary inversions.

This weekend I was experiencing a bit of a crisis about school, because I was discussing finances and student loans with my therapist on Friday. She suggested finding out more about studying part-time, because if I can avoid taking out more loans, I should do it. I turned the idea over and over in my head all weekend, determined at one point to just go part-time. The prospect of taking another year to finish the program didn't thrill me, because although my job is cushy and my boss is super nice, it's not really very stimulating to be a secretary -- I need to feel like I am helping society in a more direct way. But if it means a better financial situation in the long run, it only makes sense for my own well-being. And, let's face it, when else in my life am I ever going to have such an easy job?

The turning point was a conversation with Luis, who suggested that I make a spreadsheet comparing the budgets of the two options. I said, yeah, OK, I'll do that, maybe tomorrow, maybe Monday. He said, if you are really that concerned about it, why don't you do it today? So I said, OK, I'll do it today. (He is very helpful with my new plan to increase efficiency and learn to manage my time, because he is himself rather successful at both.) And so I did it that night, after the Varese concert. The results were surprising to me, but I assume they weren't as surprising to Luis. Living in New York on a secretary's salary doesn't really allow for the accumulation of much, if any, savings, so taking more time to finish doesn't actually help me much in the end. The main obstacle is that the last year of my program requires that I take several classes together with student teaching, preventing me from being able to hold a full-time job or break up the credits over a longer period of time. That last year will require a large amount to be taken out in loans, unless I can figure out an alternative way to split up the credits and student teaching. I will speak with my advisor about that this week, but I have the feeling that staying full-time is the way to go.

I'm feeling better about the start of the semester, though. I was dreading it quite a bit last week, but now that I've had a positive first class, it seems like it could be a good semester. It helps to have conversations about why I want to become a teacher and why I want to finish this program. I get reminded of the goal, which is to try to be the best teacher I can be in order to help children in their learning and in their overall well-being. Maybe I'm overly ambitious and idealistic right now, but I am happy about the direction my life is taking. Hooray for delusions of grandeur!